This is one of the biggest battle's between my old nature and my new nature... such an intense battle that some days I wonder if it isn't my new nature taking on "pride for life" sin.
When you are called out of the disgusting mess you are wallowing in and made new it's the most important day of your life. Being born again is why you born the first time. I really had an awakening about 1 yr ago it lead to being baptized along with my husband on May second of this year, which solidified our membership to a local Church. In all of the excitement I started sharing the Good News with others who as it appears are not only unexcited but maybe even a little disgusted by it. This was sad in general but heart-wrenching when it came to people I knew personally. I was counting on them to get theirs heads right, accept Christ and start being nice people! My new nature wanted them to come to Christ for the same reason I wanted the clerk at Wal-Mart to. By rejecting 'my' message they were ruining my plan! My old nature wanted them to be saved to hear them say I was right along, so they would be decent human beings who I wouldn't have to guard against all time! Didn't they know how bad and irritating they were!? Then my new nature steps in again... on one hand I get it... I understand hearing the same old same old and being bored but on the other hand I thought the Word was infectious... right? I thought it's not my job to be eloquent or to be a salesman, I'm just supposed to tell you what it did for me then the Holy Spirit will sweep in and conquer the lost just like He did for me! Patience is not my strong suit.( Neither is grammar for that matter.) So I wait, then wait some more, kept on waiting and before I knew it months went by and NOTHING! "OOH! What is wrong with these people!" my old nature blurted out. Then my new nature chimed in quietly "All in God's time". This back and forth went on for weeks and before I knew it when the subject came to mind or I had to deal with them it was everything I had to not be a snob. They were living under the law so I'd judge them by it! It was only fair! I lived under grace and here they judged my wrongly by the law! But that just isn't how it is... I live under grace so I ought to discern with grace and when I can't, give it God who is the rightful judge of everyone. I still struggle with this. Right motives are something that grow to maturity over time, apparently. While I can say most of the time I want them to come to Chirst is out of love, occasionally it is out of hate or just being plain fed up with their worldly shenanigans. The sad thing is I still, here and there participate. I'm not better. It's no good of my own that makes me a child of God... Christ did it. Every time I sin I prove I'm no better than anyone else. I drive the nails a little deeper every time I sin; a lie (BOOM!) a lustful stare (CLINK) and hateful heart (CRASH). I'm equal whether or not I say it aloud, I'm only separate because Christ has taken me in to shelter me behind the shield of His love. The more I dwell on that the easier it is to take the blows given to me by others, to ignore their hate and decide to protect them in the safety of the love Christ gives me to love others with. The more I dwell on how God saved me the easier it is to believe and know in my heart their second birth will come, that one day God will let the scales fall from their eyes if He chooses and lastly, I believe God saved me from satan's family so He can certainly save me from myself.
thanks for sharing. I really enjoy reading these and it makes me think about things in my own life. You are an encouragement to me. I have been a christian since I was 5 and I do not show near a tenth of the passion that you do for our Lord. How sad is that? I am so convicted. Thanks for making me take and inward look.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts, one thing you need to remember, however; sin in a Christian is much worse than in the lost...a Christian doesn't have to sin, he/she has an option, the lost, on the other-hand, have no choice...they don't have the new nature only the old sinful one.
ReplyDelete@ agrimwood, i see a lot of passion in u... u were "saved from it" and i was "saved out of it" u probably always grew up in church and so u dont even notice that u r a rock to those of us who are saved but for lack of a better term are swingin in the wind... there r days when i feel awful and u quietly pop in and drop a small note that changes my day... just because i may be a louder person doesnt make me more passionate than u in your steady, heartfelt encouragement. i love u. u r some one who is growing very dear to me. u r sincere in an insincere world. while our realtionship with Christ is personal we are all walking the walk...im blessed to have u as a travel companion.
ReplyDelete@ new hope.... yeah.. i remembered... thus the blog... lol. good stuff yesterday my friend! u r preaching the word and its painful at times but its all growing pains... were blessed to have u as our leader.