Crushing Assumptions

If you know me you know I am easily over come with anger. I'll tell you so plainy. I have a habit of seeing the "principle of it". I have a knack for seeing people and their true motives, their angles and their agendas. I am a self-proclaimed master manipulater. What's the point? What's with all the "I statements"? Well, mostly I'm venting. It's hard. Heavy is the head that wears the crown in a sort of way but more like heavy is the heart the bares the sin. I'm not sure I like this "ability". It's hard to shut it off. I'm not God so in truth I don't know the hearts of others completely. Maybe the woman speaking to me doesn't realize she fake, maybe she really thinks I'm buying, maybe she isn't. Who knows. I could ask her but she may lie so there I am chasing my tail again which isn't hard given where my head is half the time. I keep assigning motives to everyone. As a Christian I it's my job to trust. If you can't trust you can't be trusted (had to throw a little Ben in there). Now, I'm not saying buy a car with no wheels cause the salesman said he drove it to work. I'm talking about people across from you in the pew... when they shake their heads and say Amen almost as if it's on cue. Who am I to decide if they are saying Amen to encourage the Pastor, show agreement, making it a prayer, or if they are doing to look like they're paying attention, showing off, being fakers. I don't know and I can't know. But I assign. I assume. I allow it to mold them in my mind. They then, wether or not warranted, become who I have decided they are. Some one approaches me with something simple like "Some of us are going out bowling, Jenny wanted us to invite you,too!". I get all defensive and offensive at the same time! " Jenny is only inviting me because.... fill in assigned motive". I'll be mad at people for conversation I with them in my HEAD... "I just know that's what they'd say too.. if they weren't so fake that is!". It's consuming. It sucks. I just want on some level believe people are what they say they are. To love them like God with out judging like I would if I were God. It's a little easier when I remember I'm not perfect, that I play games and that I play politics. It's a little easier when I remember to pray as much for my behavior as a pray and rant about theirs. I have to hold out hope that God will save me from myself in this area as well. I may be alone in this but I doubt that I am. If we gave one another enough space to be themselves with out crushing them with the weight of our assumptions I wonder how much more connected we would be. How much growing we would get done. How much further the Kingdom of Heaven would spread.